He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
