I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
