one two three fourrrrnication!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
