It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
