It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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