so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
