he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
