I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
