She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
