I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
