I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
