Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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