When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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