um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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