Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
