bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
