I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
