so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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