Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
