I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
