I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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