the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mom said you looked used
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
