Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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