sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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