New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
