The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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