Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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