I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
