my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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