Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
