Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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