Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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