i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
