I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
