Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
