if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
