would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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