do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
