Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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