It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
