also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
