Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
