I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
