Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
