This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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