Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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