this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she peed on how many people?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
