whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
