Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
