I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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