i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
