We're like a lot better than the average bears
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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