just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
