My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
