He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
